Rest in peace Mike. Five years today. I left you my favorite necklace at your grave so you could see it when I’m not there. Please don’t ever leave me.
So today I had plans to meet up with Mark and go to his house for the day. He told me that since his car is getting fixed, his friend/roommate would be the one driving him to my house to pick me up. So when he got here, I obviously automatically looked to see who the driver was/looked like, just in case if he was somebody I knew. But I didn’t know him so I continued towards the car and Mark got out. We kissed… he said he felt something like sparks, and I lied and told him I felt the same. Truth is, I wanted to feel the same way, but for some reason I didn’t.
Anyway, let me tell you something. His roommate… ten times hotter. He’s just a genuine bad ass, he has the entire look, and he smokes weed. So once we got to the apartment, I automatically turned my attention to the roommate. Mark had this arms around me, pressing against me, but I ignored him and started talking with his roommate about the grafitti he does. I could tell Mark was getting annoyed and jealous that I was spending so much time with him but I didn’t really care.
Sure call me a bitch, call me a slut, a whore, whatever. I know I’m those things. I go after hook-ups, not relationships. I go after the short cuts because I know most guys don’t want anything more than sex. That’s how I’ve brought myself up. Why would I waste time on one guy, who probably won’t even be my husband, and try to have a relationship with him JUST to end up getting hurt?
Anyway. I like the roommate more than I like Mark. I think he knows because he’s been really slow at responding to me ever since I got home. I feel really bad, but I can’t control it. I can’t like someone that I don’t have feelings for. He’s just… not my style. Plus I’m not even allowed to date, which he doesn’t know about. He thinks I can because it’s summer and I can always hang out with him during the day. But if my parents found out, I’d be dead.
Not that I give a fuck about them, but I’m just so … confused. So confused.