Anorexia update 9-16-11

It’s starting to get to my head again. The images of fat, of ugly, of rejection, of not good enough. It’s all coming back and I don’t know why. That’s why I left the internet for such a long time; I thought my problem was related to being on here for such a long time.

But nope. It’s not that. It’s because I can’t handle the fact that I’m getting better. I have to binge. I have to lose weight. Starve. I need to feel it, and see it. I need to look into the mirror and see my rib bones again. When I don’t, I see fat.

I monitor everything I eat again, my parents never knew about my anorexia, I never let it get too bad. But they’re catching on. They found my dinner in the garbage the other night and my lunch uneaten. I blamed it on an upset stomach but they’re suspicious.

Whatever. I don’t care. They can think what they want because I just want to be alone in my head. By myself.

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